All of us have to deal with not-so-positive people at some point or another. And if you don’t have some strategy up your sleeve to deal with such people, you run the risk of losing yourself to their onslaught.
When facing a difficult person, the immediate reaction is:
- you either one want to lash out, or
- you want to escape to someplace safefar away from your problems.
Even though these seem like good solutions these are not long term.
Learning how to deal with the difficult people, or those that impact you negatively is a skill you can learn, just like any other skill.
Firstly, you need to realise something very important …
“There’s nothing you can do to control how or why they do and say what they do!
And you don’t have to.
Because you do control HOW YOU respond or whether you respond at all.
The truth is, fighting fire with fire only leads to more fire.
Practice Self Control: It’s being the person who cannot be rattled, because they are in control of their emotions, rather than controlled by their emotions.
When you become controlled BY your emotions you’ve lost.
And it doesn’t really matter what we’re talking about here.
Whenever you are driven by emotion rather than clear thinking, especially in sensitive situations or relationships, you run the risk of saying and doing things you will later regret.
That’s the first and most important skill you need to master in order to deal with negative people in your life.
Without that skill, any of the other strategies below will fall flat.
Now, you can also try these following strategies when you deal with difficult people.
Be objective.
It’s important not to take the negative person’s comments personally.
Recognise that they are most like pessimistic most of the time and take an unhelpful perspective on most things.
OR, they are just going through a more than usually difficult time right now.
They are most likely absorbed by their negative thoughts that they have a difficult time being tactful, and you’re unfortunately on the receiving end of that.
Making it about you, and saying or doing something silly, might be a costly mistake.
In reality, change your perspective and feel a little bit sorry, or bad, for them.
Then ask yourself:
“Aren’t you glad that you don’t carry the same negative attitude about life?
It’s very difficult to be upset with someone when you genuinely feel sorry for them while being happy about your OWN life.
Keep the conversation light.
Some people simply enjoy feeling the emotional intensity that comes from being negative.
It’s like they feed on it.
So don’t give them anything to feed on.
A good way to do this is to steer the conversation to lighter topics, like the weather, movies, or sports to keep things from getting too intense.
Which leads to the next point …
Avoid rewarding negative talk.
Sometimes we inadvertently encourage the negative person by being too supportive.
The very fact that we showing them empathy or understanding encourages them to indulge in their negativity even more.
So good way to deal with that is to avoid engaging fully in the conversation when someone is being overly negative.
Instead, be enthusiastic and supportive when they’re being positive.
By doing this you’re actually unconsciously reinforcing positivity in them.
They will pick up that you are more open, receptive, and engaging, when they are positive, versus using negativity to get a reaction or sympathy.
Try not to be alone with them.
You won’t feel the brunt of the abuse when there are others to share the grief or onslaught.
Plus, the negative talker will usually be less intense when he/she doesn’t have the undivided attention of a single person.
Also, if you’re in a sensitive situation where your words or reactions could be twisted and used against you later on, having someone else as part of that conversation is always wise.
It can save your skin later on.
Make a concerted effort to limit the amount of time you spend with them.
This is perhaps one of the other more important tips I can give you.
When negative people have found their way into your life, in some way or another, make sure that you limit the amount of time you spend with them.
The reality is, no matter how thick-skinned you think you are, every positive and negative experience in your life has some effect on you.
So take care of yourself and avoid spending more time with them than you need to.
Even if you work with negative people, and can’t avoid going to work, you can still control how much interaction you have as well as how much you entertain them during breaks.
Be a positive influence.
You might be able to help the person feel more optimistic by being a positive influence in their life.
When they work with you or if they are family, this is sometimes the best second prize.
So rather than entertaining their negativity, aim to be a positive influence in their life.
Who knows, you might just rub off on them?
If you think they’re simply lonely, perhaps you could get a group together and all go out for dinner.
Or maybe you could suggest a hobby.
Or introduce them to someone else that you think might be good for them.
See if you can identify a specific cause for their negativity and then assist them.
Dealing with difficult people is something we cannot avoid so, rather than waiting for a miracle, learn to control yourself and start applying the above strategies to keep their negative effects on your life to a minimum.